My spouse or parent is showing signs of dementia or at least I think they are. What should I do?
November 12, 2024
My spouse or parent is showing signs of dementia or at least I think they are. What should I do?
Confused, you should be. It’s hard to know what steps you should take. This is your mom or dad or husband or wife or just a family member and you’re used to them acting a certain way. All of sudden things appear to be different. They act differently, they can’t remember things, they react to the smallest thing, and they never did before. I know how confused I am from viewing their actions so I can only imagine what they’re going through.
To say this is typical, is wrong. To say it happens is true. There is no right or wrong, but something has changed in your loved one’s life and it’s time to help them. Most people go on Google and start searching for answers even though as you do more and more of this you realize you don’t even know the right questions to ask. You’ll spend an inordinate amount of time and when you’ve had enough, you’ll be so confused and frustrated you’ll be ready to scream and look for a place for yourself. It’s overwhelming.
I’ve been working with families for a long time. I work at a WindChime of Marin, a memory care community in Marin County. I’ve seen spouses, kids, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews all try and figure out what they should do next and most of the time it’s a crap shoot to get to what we might perceive as a logical answer or next step.
My suggestion would be to stop what you’re doing and try this on for size. Don’t even think about calling one of those online referral sources. They will only read a script and push you to have your loved one move into some community. That’s how they get paid. It’s free to you but not really.
These are the next steps I recommend:
- Get your loved one to the primary care doctor and have a list of what you’re seeing and questions you want answered.
- Chances are you’re going to be directed to either a neurologist or psychiatrist. That’s a good thing. It’s time to have your loved one evaluated by a professional medical doctor.
- Keep things in perspective. It’s not black and white so there are going to be a great deal of so-called grey areas. Get ready to not fully understand what is going on but at least you’re in the right place asking the right questions.
- I know it may be a bit presumptuous of me but after working in the premier memory care community in Marin for the past 6 years and having heard story after story I feel I’m able to give you some free advice and see if I can’t help you through some of this.
Please give Gary Forer a call at 415-482-4100 if you have any questions